Friday, March 19, 2010

Customer Service

I thought I would share a customer service chat I just had with a gal named Holly who happens to work at my bank. Bless her heart.

Holly: Hi! Thank you for being a valued Bank of the Disillusion customer My name is Holly. May I know your full name and last four digits of your account number?

You: Pinkie Pinkster...****

Holly: Pinkie, A very warm welcome to our online chat service!
[Don’t try to distract me, Holly! I know the game you’re runnin’.]

Holly: How are you doing today?

You: Fine and you.
[Notice how I just stated this. Thus the use of a period and not a question mark. Holly did not notice.]

Holly: Good to know that you are fine
.
Holly: I am doing fantastic!!!
[Well, you are now...Holly...give it a few minutes...]

Holly: Thank you.

Holly: How may I assist you with your checking and saving accounts?

You: I just called the 800 # for your bank to dispute a debit card charge. It is for a debit made on 02-03-10. The agent told me she wasn't sure if I could go back that far to make a dispute and gave me a telephone number of a department to call to find out. The number I wrote down was 800-336-1121 but I get Budget Rent A Car when I call that number.

You: I wondered if anyone there could help me with this instead.

Holly: Yes, that is the incorrect number.
[See...this is where I thought we were both on the same page. That’s what I get for thinking.]

Holly: In order to file a dispute I recommend you call us on 1.800.432.1000. We are available from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m., Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Saturday and Sunday, Local Time.

Holly: Just press "0" you will get connected to the specialist

You: I did call that number. That is who told me to call this other number.
[Silly me, I must have been unclear before. I should really try harder.]

Holly: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.

[At this point, I’m having to “hold” online for Holly. I don’t know what Holly was doing while I was waiting on her. Maybe praying to the Good Witch Glenda...maybe ordering something with Amazon...maybe texting her BFF...I don’t know but it took about 5 minutes for her to come back.]

Holly: That is the correct number.

You: Which number is correct?
[Really, give me a clue here, Holly, cause a minute ago you said a number was incorrect. I’m just trying to follow the bouncing ball here.]

Holly: 1.800.432.1000

You: Okay, let's try this again.
[Can you see the steam coming out of my ears yet? Now’s probably a bad time to check my blood pressure.]

Holly: Okay.

Holly: Is there anything else I may assist you with today?
[Hold the phone!!!! Did I not just say “let’s try this again?” I type for a living but I’ve got a lot to say so could you please give me a chance to “try it again”????]

You: I called 800-432-1000. I spoke with Diane. I told Diane what my issue was. Diane at 800-432-1000 told me she was not sure BOA could allow me to dispute a debit made on 02-03-2010 since it was over a month ago. She told me to call 800-336-1121 to ask if this department could process a dispute over a month old. I called that number but it is a number for Budget Rent A Car.

Holly: You will be able to file a dispute within 60 days of the transaction posting to your account.
[Well, Holly, that’s news to Diane!!!]

You: Diane at 800-432-1000 told me she was not sure I could. That is why she told me to call the dispute department directly but the number she gave me was incorrect. Can you give me the dispute department direct dial number?
[I thought at this point maybe I should try smaller sentences.]

Holly: I really apologize for the inconvenience which has caused to you over the phone,
[I can tell. Really. I can tell. I bet you spent that five minutes I was “on hold” telling all your cube mates how bad you felt for my inconvenience. ]

Holly: That must be very upsetting. I can understand.
[Evidently Holly thought it was time to try shorter sentences, too.]

You: So I have to call back the people that told me to call someone else?
[Makes perfect sense. Why didn’t I think of this earlier???]

You: I'm sorry but this is very frustrating in dealing with your company. It always takes two or three calls, emails or live chats to get something fixed or answered.
[I thought I would explain to Holly why they are not on our Christmas Card list.]

Holly: I understand how frustrating this must be.

Holly: I'm sorry about this.

Holly: I apologize if there’s been a misunderstanding.

Holly: I can see why you feel that way.
[I think Robot Holly’s batteries are running down...]

You: So you can't help me with this. You can only tell me to call the number I've already called and try again?
[I really tried not to go to my snarky place. I really tried.]

Holly: I do apologize for the inconvenience, I do not have the system access to assist with a transaction dispute.

You: Okay. Thank you very much. I will try again. Wish me luck.
[Snark. Snark. Snark.]

Holly: I really appreciate your understanding and co-operation with me in this regard.

Holly: Pleasure is all mine, as it is always nice to serve a great customer like you.
[Save the butter for the next person. I’m on a diet.]

Holly: Is there anything else I may assist you with today?

Holly: I am sure it will be resolved for you this time.

You: That is all. Thank you.
[Evidently, Holly does not read blogs and does not understand the dismissal value of “That is all.”]

Holly: You are a very friendly customer!!!

Holly: Thank you for being such a nice customer!!!
[I am now starting to get scared. I think I should log on and make sure my money is still all there.]

Holly: Co-operative customers like you make our work a lot easier.
[I’ve seen 24. I now decide to move away from any windows just in case Holly has a direct line to a sniper service.]

Holly: I would like to personally thank you for banking with Bank of Disillusion, where your business is greatly appreciated.
[O.M.G. I just threw up in my mouth a little.]

6 comments:

  1. UGH. I hate utter waste's of time like that.

    Just UGH.

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  2. buahahahah thanks for the laugh, I especially loved the part about how Robot Holly's batteries must be running low! hahahaha

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  3. lol that was just ridiculous

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  4. That's great! We used to have a list of things to say to upset customers and most of those were there! We once had a contest to see who could use the most in one conversation. This would be a winner!

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  5. OMG Im sorry for laughing but i know this all too well as I am a LIVE CHAT rep for a very large well known company .......and we have automated responses we can send out like the "i apologize for the incomvenience" response....i dont use them...i know they sound robotic.....however we are required to try to fix the problem rather than advise to call in ....that is why there is the CHAT option....sorry you got the run around from that company ....Im guessing their LIVE CHAT is more like LIVE ROBOTS who dont actually read your questions :(

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  6. You gotta love customer non-service. As you read, I experienced some of that myself at Target today. BOA and Target, the must be BFF or something. I know Clark Howard (love him) is not a fan of either.

    I did get a good laugh at your experience though. I thank you for that :)

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Thanks for your comments!