Having realized that switching bottle types on the Bean was not getting us any closer to BaBa independence, on Tuesday night I bit the bullet and we began our journey into the “BaBa No-Fly Zone”.
Once Bean got her bath and her PJs on, she started asking for her BaBa. I gathered up all my courage and looked my toddler square in the eye and said “we don’t have any BaBas tonight, Puddin’.” Gasp! Shock! Horror! (Insert screaming here.)
This is the moment my sweet, loving baby girl turned into Beanzilla.
Crying ensued, toys flew, Mommy started to shake. “BaBa! BaBa! BABA!!!!”
“I WANT MY BABA!!!!”
The crying and begging continued for about 30 minutes and finally Bean crawled up in my lap and fell asleep. I’m sure she dreamt of her BaBa all night.
Wednesday night was much the same way with less time spent crying and begging. Hey! We might be getting somewhere here.
Thursday...well, evidently Bean had forgotten all about Tuesday and Wednesday nights because when she was told that there were no BaBas, she wigged out again and the crying lasted longer than it had the previous night.
At this point, I started really beating myself up over this whole idea. I knew the reasons for getting her off the bottle were sound. I knew it would help her in the long run. She would hopefully start to eat more and by eating more, she would increase her iron levels and gain some weight. I knew this.
But I started thinking that I had kicked off behavior that would cause Bean many counseling sessions later on in life. “I’m all screwed up because my mom took away the only thing that ever gave me any comfort when I was 2.” I can hear it all now. The BaBa is really her only security item. It’s the only thing she consistently asks for. And I’m not easing her into saying good bye. I’m just snatching it away from her. I started to think I was doing it the wrong way, that I should have just let her grow out of it. And of course the old thought I had had before crept in. The BaBa is the last link (other than diapers and I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around potty training right now), but it’s the last link in Bean being a baby.
I know all kids grow up. That’s their job and hopefully they do it well. But I wanted a baby for so long and it seems as though babyhood came and went so very fast. And yes, I do understand that all of these feelings are mine and not really helping my child in any way. That doesn’t change the fact that they are very real feelings and that they definitely did a number of my confidence and emotional state last week. I beat myself up over this whole situation.
But I felt that she and I had come so far that I would just be doing more harm if I gave up and gave her back the bottle. I just kept telling myself to be still and wait to see what happened next.
And I’ll tell you what did happen next...TOMORROW!!!! Stay tuned. (Again.)
So far so good! :)
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