Bentos Gone Bad

Now that we are official school goers, every day we are faced with the decision of "eat at school or take a lunch".  I always had to eat at school.  Well, each new school year I would start off with a brand new lunch box but after being faced with BORING sandwich after sandwich for a couple of weeks, those lunch boxes would usually turn into crayon carrying cases or Barbie squats.  I do still have a fondness though for my Pigs in Space lunch box.  I think that one was my favorite.

If anyone can figure out how old I am by this visual reference, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

Nowadays, the hot new trend isn't what's on the outside of the lunch box but what's on the INSIDE.  I'm speaking of all the cutesy lunches made by really fabulous Martha-Stewart emulating moms.  You've seen them probably on Pinterest or heard one of your own children talking about them.  These cute, "themed" lunches are usually called Bentos.  If you want to know more thrilling details about bentos, click that link and you can read it for yourself.  I'm too busy making lunches to school you all right now but here are some examples of Bento lunches.  Disclaimer:  I DID NOT MAKE A SINGLE ONE OF THESE.  THAT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.

Aren't they cute?  Some are too cute to eat.  They do look like they take some time though, don't they?

I thought since I am a crafty gal I should be able to make a cute lunch here and there, right?  I mean, if I can figure out how to make a smiley face on an IHOP pancake, I oughta be able to figure out how to fancy up a sandwich, right?

Right?  Is this thing on?

So...in my crafty gal - bento preparation mode, I picked up some dolphin cutter-outter things at the grocery store.  It looks like this one.

It lets you make two dolphins PLUS a heart.  Sweet, huh?

I set out all of my ingredients - cutting board, cookie cutter, bread, butter (in the South we pronounce that "buttah") knife, soy butter (cause a classmate is allergic to the hard stuff), and jelly.

I slathered the soy butter and jelly all over our 100% whole wheat bread.  This bread was in a couple of years ago but now I hear that these gluten-free folks don't think it's the bomb any more.  I'm am so 2008.  Sorry.

Then I grabbed the dolphin cutter and steadied it over the sandwich...steady...steady...steady.

And this is what I got.

What in the hell is that?

That ain't cute.

That heart looks due for a bypass and those dolphins look like, well, I can't even come up with what they look like.

Martha would be so disappointed.  So would Japan.  I wonder if there is a Japanese-version Martha Stewart?

I don't know but she'd be disappointed in my Bento skillz too.

It shouldn't be rocket surgery or nothing like that, should it?  I mean, it's just press and lift, right?  Should I have gone to Georgia Tech to figure out how to make a shaped sandwich?  That would never happen anyways but you get the picture.  (Go Dawgs!)

So, sadly, the lesson here today folks is that bentos aren't always cute and warm and fuzzy.  If they are fuzzy, don't eat them.  That's probably not the best choice you could make in a day.  But sometimes bentos go bad at the hands of inexperienced moms who just want our lunches to be cute, too.

It's okay though cause I also picked up a castle-shaped cutter.  I wonder what kind of crappy sandwich I can make with that one.