Meet Me on Monday

Today I thought I'd do something different and join in on a linky party called Meet Me on Monday hosted by  Never Growing Old.  I got the idea from the Cakeologist at Cakeology.

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post that helps people get to know a little more about you.  Here are this week's questions.


Questions:

1.  Caesar Salad or Garden Salad?
2.  Will you be watching the Royal Wedding on April 29th?
3.  Last thing you spent lots of money on?
4.  Window seat or aisle seat?
5.  Do you know your blood type?
---------------------------------------------------------------
My Answers!

1.  Caesar Salad or Garden Salad?

I prefer a garden salad with ranch dressing usually.

graciousrain.com

2.  Will you be watching the Royal Wedding on April 29th?

courtesy of singlegalnyc.com

 (See, they laugh at my jokes, too!  Bless 'em!)

Does a bear...? Never mind.

The answer is yes, yes, yes!  I am a big old Royalholic.  I have been since I watched Princess Diana on her wedding day.  I have a collection of Diana memorabilia and other royals items in my home that no one but me is allowed to touch.  I have already asked for the day off work.  One of my bosses does not want to give me the day off now because he is leaving the next week for vacation.  I told him it was his error because he failed to check the royal engagement calendar before he made his travel arrangements.  But truthfully, the day the wedding date was announced, I asked for the day off work which was well before he even decided to go on vacation.  I'll have to update you all on the outcome of this showdown.

3.  Last thing you spent lots of money on?

Ummm....lots of money?  Ummm....I have absolutely no idea what that is.  I guess the last thing was when my Jetta decided she didn't want to cooperate with me any more and stopped that whole running thing she was supposed to be doing.  I had to go out and take on a car loan.  We brought our 2006 Escape home in December of 2010.  I really haven't come up with a cute name for her still.  I guess Essie is what I call her but it's not that creative.  She looks like this one.

4.  Window seat or aisle seat?

courtesy of meaningfultraveler.com

Ugh, whichever one comes with an IV drip of Valium.  I hate to fly.  I get so freaked out by every sound.  And the banking!  Good gravy!  For some reason, I just always assumed that planes went up, flew in a straight line and then came right back down.  On my first flight, the first time the plane banked to one side, I almost passed out.  I just knew we were crashing.

5.  Do you know your blood type?

If'n I'm remembering right, I am O+.   But anyone that knows me knows that I am definitely not an "Oh positive" type of gal.  This is just another one of God's inside jokes.  Like the fact that I came into this world a month early.  Yeah, that's never happened again since.  "Positive" and "early" are definitely not my redeeming qualities. 

Should I stay or should I go?

Something a little scary happened last week that has troubled my thoughts and my feelings about this blog. I am a big Facebook game player. Yes, I am one of those people whose Facebook feeds are filled with game posts instead of incredibly interesting links and statuses. Sorry.

So in all of my gaming, I accept a lot of people as game friends. I have gotten to know quite a few really nice people just through playing these games. Sometimes I go to the requesting person’s page and “qualify” them as an actual player before I accept their requests. Sometimes I get too busy and don’t.

There was a man on Facebook that was outed last week as being a pedophile. He was one of my “friends”. I saw another person’s status alerting everyone that this man was a pedophile and he would steal copies of pictures of children on Facebook pages. As soon as I read this status, I went and looked at this man’s page. He evidently had several pages. Some had been flagged by Facebook. The one I looked at showed one picture of a man sitting in front of a webcam with two girls on his lap. At first glance, you would think that this was a dad holding his daughters and having their picture taken. But the more I sat there looking at that one picture, the more the faces of the girls in the picture looked off to me. They looked alarmed or shocked in some way. I can’t describe it any better than that. I guess they looked empty and shocked.

Do I have any proof that this person is a pedophile? No. I don’t. The best proof I can give is that Facebook flagged his pages and the feeling I got from this one picture of him and these girls. That’s all the proof I have.

But as soon as I read that this guy could have at one time been on my page and possibly even this blog and viewed and copied pictures of my daughter, I became scared and enraged. I work for criminal defense attorneys. I have worked there a long time. We have had clients accused of being pedophiles. We don’t take many of those cases. I can count them on one hand. Nobody wants to take these cases. Some have been completely innocent. Some have not. From the cases of the ones that have not been innocent, I know a little bit about how a pedophile thinks and acts. It is very scary. It is especially scary to a mother. You can’t help but think of your own children and you immediately pray that nothing like that ever happens to your sweet child.

But after dwelling on this for a few days I just wonder if what I am doing here is the right thing to do. Is it fair to my daughter to post her picture up all over the internet where they are free game to anyone? You might think that pedophiles only want illicit pictures of children. You would be wrong. They only need to have a child in the picture for a pedophile to want them.

I have always been careful on this blog to not mention my daughter’s real name at all. Bean is how I refer to her because it is a nickname but also to protect her identity a little bit. I’m not stupid or naive though. I know that it takes only moderate computer ability for someone to find all the personal information about anyone on the internet in very little time.

But I still wonder if I should keep posting up her pictures? Should I keep talking about her on here? I know this has been a long standing debate with many on the internet. As my daughter gets older, my thoughts on this subject are changing. I know there will come a time that this blog will be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done to her. I can hear it now. There will be a time when she will probably say “Mom, I swear if this winds up on that blog, I will never speak to you again.” But that’s still a ways away. Right now she enjoys looking at the computer and seeing her picture there. She will point to it and say “Is dat me?”

But am I being careful enough now? Should I keep going? Should I find another focus?

I don’t have the answers to these questions today. Until I know for sure, I have decided to put it in God’s hands and ask him that he keep my child safe from this type of evil. That’s all I can do.

So for now, I will trust and carry on.

Umm...it's Wednesday?

I have officially lost a whole day somewhere.

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day and didn't do too much laboring. This weekend was also the official start to college football and Hubz sure didn't miss any televised game. Well, he might have missed one or two when my hissy fit finally kicked in late Saturday afternoon. He did walk away from the television long enough to go out to eat with some friends we hadn't seen in a few weeks.

I did try to make the kickoff of the season go smoothly for him. I made an appetizer fest with all kinds of calorie-laden snacks and dips. I even actually brought him a couple of beers without any thought of dumping them over his head. Wha? Huh?? Why so grumpy, Pinkie???

"Football Frustration" is what I call it.

You know the feeling that comes over you when you have a mile long Honey-Do-List that is gathering dust, you need help bringing in groceries, your child is saying "Mommy, Daddy's yellin' at the T.B.", and your husband is camped out on the couch, all decked out in his favorite college gear, hooting and hollering at the top of his lungs because you know those boys on the "T.B" can hear him. It just becomes too much.

I mean, you never see a woman dressed in her pearls, apron and high heels, sprawled out all over the couch, yelling at the "T.B." saying "Show that glue gun who's boss!", and salivating because the newest season of The Martha Stewart Show has started. That never happens. Not even in my wildest fantasies does that happen. And if it ever did, do you think my husband would be in the kitchen making me snacks and running me mimosas? Not gonna happen. Ever.

Now, I don't mind a little football. I do love to watch our Dawgs play. And I will admit that if there is a really cute player on another team...ahem, like Tebow, then I can force myself to be interested here and there. But not every game between Thursdays through Mondays.

And what's the worst thing about Football Frustration that has me almost in tears? It's just the beginning. There's, what, 15 more weeks in the regular season and then there's playoffs and bowl games. This football crap won't be over until February. Pray for me.

Anyone else out there experiencing any Football Frustration?

These posts don't write themselves.

These posts don't write themselves.

Ain't that the truth!

Some of my bloggy friends have shared recently that they have been faced with writer's block. I know how that feels all to well.

There are days where God help anyone that gets between me and my keyboard. I have an idea in my head and it really is like a bee in a bonnet. I just HAVE to get it out.

Then there are days when I click "New Post" and sit and stare and stare and stare.

I've heard of better other bloggers having a blogging calendar where they actually plan their posts.

• Day One - On this day I will write about my toes.  
• Day Two - On this day I will write about my husband's toes.
• Day Three - On this day I will post a picture of my baby's toes.

I haven't been able to do that.  But these bloggers can consistently come up with read-worthy posts.  I don't like those bloggers.
No, that's not true.  I like them just fine.  I'm just jealous.

I had started carrying a notebook with me and jotting down ideas for posts when they came to me.  I think the notebook cursed me because now I open it and just sit and stare and stare and stare.

Then I start to panic.  Aren't I interesting?  Don't I have any original thoughts? 

Are those other bloggers' lives really that much more post-inspiring than mine?  Probably.  Or maybe they are just better at fumbling their way through writer's block.

There has to be a way to stave off writer's block.  Maybe there's a pill for it?  I'm sure there is but it's probably illegal.

There have to be ways to overcome it.  Do you have a tried and true way to break through the block?  If so, please share it in the comments area.

After all, these posts aren't going to write themselves.

Men. You can't kill 'em.

Sometimes on this blog I share really cute pictures of a really cute kid. Sometimes I share really great tips or ideas of other really great bloggers. Sometimes I write some really inspiring prose on here, too.

Today is not one of those days.

Oh no.

Today is "How much can I get for my husband?", or maybe "How many fire ants will fit in one man's boxer briefs?". Either or.

My husband loves me SOOOO much. How much do you think he loves me???

Let me tell you.

He loves me so much that he sets his alarm clock to go off at 5 a.m. BUT, and here's the kicker...he doesn't get out of bed until 6 a.m.

In fact, he doesn't even hear the alarm going off. Guess who does hear it?

Yes, you are correct if you guessed me.

He is a heavy sleeper. I am not.

I sleep next to the alarm clock. He does not.

I think he does this to me every day just so that I can have one additional hour saying his name over and over. That's real "romantical", isn't it?

No. It is not.

I will be informing his mother tonight that she needs to step up her praying for him. He's gonna need it.

Life goes on.

In the past week we've had birthdays, deaths, an anticipated birth any day now, and
we just keep trudging along.

It is at times like these that we realize that it is a pretty special thing to wake up every day. For those of us that are lucky enough, we get hugs and kisses every day. There have been times in my life where I didn't know when or if I would ever get another single hug at all.

I don't always remember or appreciate it though. I get caught up in the day-to-day drudge just like everyone else.

So for today I am going to just sit and contemplate everything that I need to be grateful for, everything that brings me joy, love and happiness. And I'll also try to be grateful for the things that have tried my will and my patience. Because without those things, I'd completely miss the good things.

Home alone.

I was left home alone this weekend. All by myself. Just me. Party of one.

Hubz took Bean to visit his grandparents this weekend and I got to stay home. Visiting his grandparents was just a cover to go fishing. I'm not fooled.

I will say I was sorta shocked that Hubz VOLUNTEERED to take Bean with him. Yes, he did. I know, right?!? Shocker.

So I was left to my own devices to entertain myself. I was going to go see a movie on Sunday. I love going to the movies by myself. You get to see what you want. You don't have to worry about someone else enjoying the film you've picked out. AND, and this is the best part, you don't have to share your popcorn or Raisinettes with anyone. But I did not move my behind off the couch all day so I missed the joy of chocolate-covered raisins that cost $2 a box. Oh well.

That's right. I stayed on the couch the whole time. I did do some laundry so at least I wasn't a complete slacker. But that couch and I were best friends all weekend.

I was able to watch movies and tv shows that I wanted to without any unsolicited remarks from any fellow viewers. I didn't have to try and wrangle the remote control away from anyone. It was so peaceful. I think on Sunday I watched 3 movies before 1pm. Three. It was simply blissful.

This weekend was just what I needed to recharge after having a not-so-good week last week. It was nice to rediscover my inner slob. But I did start to miss my honeys before long. Thankfully, they made it home safe and sound. Now back to real life and fighting over the remote.

Water Cooler Conversations - Kiddie Koops

This is a post about a conversation had at my "place of employ". I don't know why I called it "Water Cooler Conversations". We don't even have one here. But you get the drift.

I work for two attorneys and I affectionately call them "My Two Dads". One of them, whom I like to call Special K, has been a step-dad but never really around babies or toddlers at all. So when I come to him with toddler matters, he usually looks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. I guess to him I really am.

I went to him today about my preschool dilemma that I am facing come the fall.  My current schedule really isn't going to give me much time to get to the school to pick up Bean in the evenings and I needed to begin negotiations with Special K and the Italian to see if they will work with me on this.

Pinkie:  I need to talk to you about preschool.

Special K:  Who needs preschool?

Pinkie:  I do.  No, on second thought, you need it. 

Special K:  Aren't there women out there that keep kids?

Pinkie:  Yes, they are called mothers.

Special K:  No.  Aren't there women who are always looking for kids to keep in their homes?

Pinkie:  Are you talking about that lady in Hansel and Gretel?  That's not the ideal situation I'm hoping for.

Special K:  Can't you contact some churches out there and ask them if they know of any women that keep kids?

Pinkie:  Hello Reverend!  Do you know where the Old Lady in the Shoe lives?

Special K:  There are these women...

Pinkie:  I'm not looking for these women.  I've already found where I want her to go.  I want her to go to the same place she's currently going to.

Special K:  But then you don't get here until 9:30 in the morning. 

Pinkie:  And....?  Your point is???

Special K:  Can't you drop her off earlier?

Pinkie:  I'll have to talk to the director of the school.  I don't know exactly how they do all that during regular school but I don't think so.

Special K:  You can't just leave her there early?

Pinkie:  By herself?  Just put her on their doorstep and tell her to wait?

Special K:  Yeah, well, don't they have some place you can put her that's safe until they open?

Pinkie:  Are you talking about something like a drop box for kids?

Special K:   Yeah!  Something like that.  There ought to be something like that.

Pinkie:  And I'll have a key to it and the teacher will have another one. 

Special K:  Exactly.  This is a great idea!  Why don't they have stuff like that?

Pinkie:  I don't know.  There could be drop boxes on every corner with kids in them.  You could do franchises.

Special K:  Yeah.  What would you call it?  You'd have to come up with some kind of kid name for it.  Kid Box.  Something like that.

Pinkie:  Oh, I know.  What about Kiddie Koops?

Special K:  Yes!!!!  Somebody really should do that.  It's a great idea.


The man's a genius.  I see now how he's come so far in life.

I can't see clearly.

This is how I see the world now. Or at least how I see it when I'm driving.

I hate construction zones.  

But on the bright side, I learned how to make those arrows on my pictures now by using Picnik.  Woo hoo!

Mother's Day and other musings.

I hope everyone had a good Mother's Day. Mother's Day is such a bittersweet day for me. On one hand, I am overjoyed to be celebrating it now that I am a mother. But on the other hand, I miss my own mom so much and wished she was here with me because I know she would absolutely enjoy Bean to no end. And she would be sitting back laughing at me trying to keep up with Bean.

We didn't do much for Mother's Day. Hubz hurt his back at work on Thursday and so I shuttled him around to doctors on Friday. Also on Thursday, Bean was pretending to be a singer at my MIL's house. She had a plastic tube that she was using as a microphone and was standing on the couch rocking out. My MIL had just told her to get down and not jump with that tube near her mouth. Well...Bean jumped and the tube went right in her mouth. Put an inch-long gash in the roof of her mouth and messed up her mouth pretty badly. Bean kept complaining that her mouth hurt and by Friday evening I just knew her mouth must be infected. She didn't want to eat or drink much. So I carted her off to urgent care. Sixty bucks later I was told that it wasn't infected and just had to heal and to give her Motrin or Tylenol.

After you get news like that, you are very grateful but you also think "can I have half my money back since all you did was look in her mouth?" Oh yeah, they also gave me the "oh brother, you're one of THOSE moms, huh" looks. Those looks must not come cheap.

I planned on making very beautiful Mother's Day cards for those special moms in my life. I planned on that but when I sat down to get to work, I realized I didn't have all I needed. So I decided to make some Lemon Sugar Hand Scrub gifts instead. I found the recipe here.

Here's my version.

Nothing very fancy but it really is a great scrub and a cute gift. 

Here's a picture of Bean from a couple of weeks ago.  She is loving the warmer weather and wants to spend all her time outside.  That is a concept I just do not get.  There's no air conditioning out side!

I'm special and I have an award to prove it!

While checking my email this morning, I received a message from a fellow blogger, Adriana PK from The Busy Pepper Mill. In her message, Adriana said she had included me in an Honest Scrap Award post. Isn't that sweet? I love to hear from fellow bloggers and this was such a nice way to start the day. I knew I had a very hard day ahead of me with having to post on here that my husband was right about something so to get an award for someone liking my blog made writing that God awful post bearable. Thank you, Adriana!!!!!

Now as to the business of the award - I must tell you 10 random things about myself. It would be easier to tell you 10 random things about Bean but that's not the deal so here goes.

1. I can beat Hubz at air hockey almost every time.
2. My favorite color is pink. (What? You already knew that? Okay, okay.)
3. I watched a taped episode of Destination Truth last night that creeped me out so badly that I had to turn it off half way through and then sleep with a night light on.
4. I hate coconut. Love the smell, hate the texture.
5. I can generally pick up just about anything on the computer with relative ease except for Photoshop and HTML.  I don't understand why these have been so hard for me to figure out.
6. I used to be a travel agent way back when.
7. We have too much debt. This is something I've thought of sharing here but have been reluctant to discuss but it's true.
8. I used to absolutely hate, hate, hate my middle name and would not allow anyone to utter it around me except for my Uncle Jimmy. He's the only one that got a pass. But now I like it. I might even say I really like it.
9. There are countless things in a week that come up that I wished I could ask my mom about. She passed away in 1997 but I have a long list of things to talk about when I see her next. LOL
10. With all the hoopla over 2012, I've decided not to shop for Christmas presents until after 12-21-12. Why bother racking up more bills if I don't have to?

There. There's all the junk info I could think of this morning. Now, I have to take care of the second part of the award. I have to send this award onto 10 blogs that I really love to read or have made a difference to me. It's hard to narrow it down because honestly, I love all the blogs I visit and have learned so much from so many in Bloggyland. I hope maybe you'll find someone new to learn from, too.

1. I Am Mommy - especially after the week she's had with the pancakes and the exploding oven.
2. April Showers - She designed what you see here. If you like it, she's the reason. If you don't like it, she's the reason.  ;)
3. Tracy's Food for Thought - Tracy is my oldest friend. No, not "old" like that. I have been friends with her since first grade. She has seen me through all my bad hair and still loves me. She is trying to get her recipe blog off the ground and I'm trying to get her to just make the food for me and deliver it.
4. The Mighty M Family - I love to see the photos of her children. They always make me smile. She was one of the first people to regularly leave me comments. She validated me. Awwww.
5. Haas Family Blessings - I met Holly on Cafe Mom. She has a daughter the same age as Bean and we've followed each other's lives over the internet for the past 2 years. Holly is preggo again. Yay! She's one of those "annoying" girls that actually loses weight in pregnancy. LOL She is very tiny and I am a big, fat hater. I still have baby weight left from Bean. Holly, I'll send it to you, okay? Please, let me.
6. Heydorca's Blog - She will probably, most likely, kill me for sending this award her way. But I have to say that she inspires me. Well, not physically cause I haven't gotten off the couch, but emotionally, I'm super inspired. Susan is on a quest to get in shape by her 50th birthday. She has taken us along the way and I get tired just reading her posts of her workouts. She is doing the work and she will reach her goal. I just know it.
7. This Belle Rocks! - I swear I believe that Ms. Belle and I were separated at birth. We like the same books, men, most music. It always makes me laugh when she posts something she is reading and watching because it's usually the same thing I'm doing, too.
8. Beneath My Heart - Traci writes these posts called Wednesdays with Wanda. Wanda was her mother and to me, these posts are love letters to her mom. They touch me every time I read them and have inspired me to maybe one day share more about my mom with you all. There is no greater gift in a girl's life than to have a wonderful, loving mother. That's my opinion anyways. I know not everyone has a kind mother but Traci did and she shares her with us all the time.
9. Just Simply Cook - Another recipe blog that I love. She has recipes for homemade Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a S'Mores cake. A S'Mores cake, people! 'Nuff said.
10. The Funkie Junkie - I shared with you last week finding Linda's blog and sending her an email asking how she made some of her beautiful creations. Because she was so very nice to me in her reply, and because she makes the cards I wish I made, I'm sending her this little award, too. Thanks for sharing your time and ideas with me.

Thanks again to Adriana.

Enjoy and remember to try to inspire others.

When Moms Attack.

I came across this post from I Am Mommy.  She previously posted a very cute recipe for Rainbow Pancakes.





 *Picture property of I Am Mommy.


After sharing that recipe, she received a lot of positive feedback.  But with the good came the bad.  People opposed to serving children foods with added food coloring decided to share their opinions with I Am Mommy.  And they weren't very nice.  Actually, a lot of them were downright dirty and nasty in their comments.

This led I Am Mommy to pose the question of 'are bloggers fair game'?  Are you afraid of hearing people's negative comments on the things you share?  Does it change what you write? 

I have had these fears in the past.  I believe that as a blogger, if you want to gain an audience to read your thoughts on whatever is going on in your little corner of the world, you should be honest with your readers.  But I will admit there have been a few times in the past that I've written something and thought "should I share that" or "maybe I'll leave that part out".

I just knew after writing this post about an incident involving my daughter and my handgun that I was going to be roasted alive and that the readers I did have were going to stop reading.  I honestly believed that.  But I wanted to share what had happened so that if any other person out there learned something from my mistakes, it would make the situation a positive one.  (Thank God nothing horrible happened but I'm sure you understand all the "what ifs" that went through my mind that day.)

My readers didn't toss me away.  In fact, I received so many positive comments that I knew I did the right thing by sharing.  Maybe the person that learned the most from that situation was me, not only in being more careful with my purse and my child, but also in giving my readers more credit than I had before.

And yes, I am still living in my virgin blogverse where no one has told me I'm a horrible mother or that I shouldn't procreate like they told I Am Mommy.  If I keep writing and sharing I know my time will come.  So should I stop writing and sharing my little corner?  I don't think so.  And I don't think I Am Mommy should take all those horrible comments to heart.  She could look at it like this - while all those commenters were being so sanctimonious about not giving their kids food coloring, they also weren't teaching their children that it's okay to be different, to have different opinions and to like different things.  They didn't teach "love thy neighbor" when they took the time to knock her parenting skills.  No lessons on patience or love.  The lessons taught by their actions were not anything to be proud or sanctimonious over.  They definitely did not lead by example.

Maybe that is the lesson we all should take from this.  Now, I feel like making some pancakes. 

The Break Up

Have you ever had something happen that at first you laughed off and thought "Oh well, it's just another one of those things", but then later on, the more you think about it, it makes you cry and feel completely knocked down?

I had that happen to me today.  In fact, it's still going on so I'm writing about it to hopefully get it out of my system and maybe it will help to put it in perspective and move on.  This is just another one of those life challenges and it too will pass.  That's what I keep telling myself but I am still wallowing.

I'm probably making this seem way more important than what it is, I know.  Anyways, onto the wallowing...

I have blogged here about my car, Josie the Jetta, before.  I pretty much cursed Josie and myself when I wrote about her hitting the 200K mile mark.  I should have known better but if you knew her backstory (shades of Lost), you'd understand why 200K was a huge mark in her life.

I bought this car all by myself in 2000.  It was my first big purchase on my own.  Maybe it should be my last, I dunno.  Hubz says that I should have known better but you see, Josie seduced me.  She was cute and red and had tons of buttons and the most amazing feature ever...heated seats.  Yep, I was drawn in and there was no turning back once my backside got all toasty that first time.

I had Josie for less than a year when she first started having problems.  And I mean PROBLEMS.  Josie had to have a new transmission before she was one year old.  That should have been my first clue to break up with her but I just couldn't do it.

I JUST CAN'T QUIT YOU, JOSIE!!!!

 
I figured that she was under warranty and it was probably just the luck of the draw and I assumed that the dealership would take care of it all.  Well, they did.  I got a brand new transmission and off we went.  Less than a year later, I was in an accident with her.  Had to have a new radiator, new hood, new front end and a new VW symbol put on it.  It was all quite heartbraking to see Josie there crunched up like that.

Then, again, less than a year later, she had to have another transmission.  Now you might say "Good Lord, Pinkie, how do you drive?  Don't you take care of your cars?"  I drive just fine, thank you, and yes, I do take care of them.  I figured this was some problem stemming from the accident I had.  So back to the dealership I went to get my sweet, sweet lady fixed up.

 Here we go again...less than a year later...more tranny problems.  Uh huh...why didn't I get out then???  Heated seats, remember.  Please try to keep up.  So I figured that this couldn't be just luck of the draw because by God even feral cats and Rodney Dangerfield have better luck than this.  So I fiiled a Lemon Law claim and actually won.  But Volkswagen didn't offer to buy my car back or swap it with another.  They didn't want her either.  So I got a settlement check instead.  Normal people would have taken that money and the car and traded it in on something reliable.  Well, I think we've all figured out by now that I am not normal, right?  Right?

As part of the settlement, I requested that a different dealership install the new transmission because I didn't think my local dealership knew how to spell "German automotive excellence" much less know how it was supposed to be performed.  Everything was taken care of and Josie was washed and waxed and handed over to me.  This should be the point in my life where I realize I am the mom who blindly loves their child even after realizing their child is a serial killer.  "Oh no, my child is perfect, wonderful and can do no wrong."  Plus, my kid has heated seats.  (It's wonderful.  If you don't have those on your car, you should think about it the next time you shop for a vehicle.)

Josie actually did reform for awhile.  She and I moved into a new house, got married (not to each other), and had a baby.  We've been there for each other.  Now, she has had some relapses.  Her heater core went out causing me to have to ride around for 3 months in the winter with no heat while I saved up the $1,800 to have it repaired.  She's had some bad O2 sensors and bad window motors but who doesn't???

But ever since the 200K post I made, Josie has been stabbing me in the back over and over again.  First there was an antifreeze leak into the cabin of the car which requires $1,100 and removing the entire dashboard.  This causes condensation to form on the inside of my windshield and I can't see out to drive.  (No safety hazard there, huh?)  There's the cracked windshield that wants $300 to be "like new".  Then there's the broken fuel injector for $350, busted hose or hole in the windshield cleaner container, something is causing the ABS light to come on and off randomly, the front passenger window won't roll down, the knob you use to move your mirrors broke off, the cup holder is hanging on, the rear-right taillight won't light up and it's not the bulb.

Now this morning, the incident that has sent me into fits of alternating laughing and crying, and sent me to my keyboard to rant is this...

I'm driving up the highway on my way to work.  It's a nice morning because it stopped raining (Thank God!  You'll see...), I'm listening to Mariah Carey belt out my favorite Christmas song, All I Want for Christmas is You, and suddenly I think to myself, "It sure is a lot colder in here suddenly.  It sure is a lot louder in here suddenly."  I thought that the tractor trailer next to me needed some serious servicing cause it had to be the loudest one I ever heard but I still couldn't figure out why I was suddenly so much colder.

Then my hair blows around.

I look up to find that my sunroof had come half-way open all on its own.

"Hello!  McFly!!!  It's 40 degrees outside, why are you open???" 

I reach up to fiddle with the switch to close it and...nothing.  The thing would not close.  At all.

And I was only 5 minutes into my hour long drive to work.

By the time I got to work, my hair looked like Mariah Carey's in the beginning of her career and I was absolutely freezing.  When this first happened, I just had to laugh cause why not, right?  As they say, "it's par for the course".  Typical.  But I still thought that maybe once I got to work and I let it sit for a couple of hours, it might start working enough that I could close it.  I need to stop thinking cause I'm not so good at it.

So Josie hates me.

It's evident.  Most folks would go out and get a new car but we aren't in a position to do that.  I haven't had a car payment in eight years and I don't have any money in the budget for a big one now.  We don't have any money saved for a down payment either.  So now I'm crying and freaked out.  I stop to tell myself that it's only a car.  No one is sick, no one is hurt, everything's fine.  But it just feels like one more knockdown and it seems to get harder and harder to get back up.  I know that's life but today, right now, life is kicking my butt.

At least my butt is still toasty, though.

My mind goes "wheee"!

I'll probably never be one of those big, successful bloggers.  Oops, maybe I shouldn't write that cause then that's what I'm putting out there in the universe so it might come true.  What?  Nevermind.

Why won't I be successful?  One, and I think I've probably mentioned this before, I'm lazy.  We don't have to go into that in much detail now but yep, it's true.  But I think my second reason is the one that is doing the most damage.  I don't know what to write about.  I get these inspirations and I put out a really great (in my opinion) blog post and then I feel completely, utterly spent.  It takes me days to come up with another inspiration.

I've read successful blogs and most of them will tell you that you should schedule your posts.  Get a calendar, write down a subject on a date, and then write it out and send it.  I've done this.  But for me what usually happens is I'll look at my posting calendar, stare at it for a minute or two, then say "uh huhhhhh, let me go play a few minutes of Farmville and I'll come back to this."

I evidently get lost on my farm and can't find my way back.  My mind just goes "wheeee" and nothing gets done.  Why?

Does this happen to any of you other bloggers?  Do you just give yourself a mean ole reprimand and make yourself sit down and write?  Maybe I need to put myself on restriction.  How will I survive though?  All my Farmville crops will wither and die!

Wasting yourself.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

That's a pretty powerful idea.  Do you know who said that?  You might be shocked.

It was Kurt Cobain, lead singer of Nirvana.

All I can say is "Amen, Brotha!"  And that I wished I had heard this comment back when I was spending the majority of my energy wasting myself on wanting to be someone else.  That would have really saved me a lot of self-induced heartache.  I hope that this comment makes it into my head and I remember to pull it out and use it if Bean ever starts wishing she were someone else.

Back in my  early twenties, I was in another world.  (Weren't we all?)  But really, I was married once before.  I got married for a ton of reasons.  Not really any of the right ones though.

Don't get me wrong.  I did love my then-husband whom I now lovingly refer to as "the circus midget".  But I don't think I loved him the way that you should when you are considering committing yourself and your life to someone else.

When I met my circus midget, I wanted to be "in love".  I wanted to be a grown-up.  I wanted out of my mother's house.  I wanted to wear "the dress".  I also didn't want to be the girl that never got married.  Even though in my mind I never really saw marriage in my future, I still didn't want to be the girl that never got married.

My mother was opposed to my marriage.  If I had listened to her, I would have saved myself a ton of heartache.  But I truly think I would have missed out on learning a lot about myself.

Reading this quote again today though reminded me about my first marriage and how I felt during it.  I was never comfortable with myself when I was married the first time.  Never.  I was always second guessing myself and I was always wishing I was more than I was or that I had more than I had.

I recently ran into my ex-sister-in-law.  I hadn't seen her since the circus midget and I split up.  I truly missed her.  I wished I could have kept her in the divorce.  I didn't keep in touch with her because it was too painful to me at that time.  I was afraid that through her I would hear stories of my ex's new life and it would be too hard to bare.

But I remember always wanting to be just like my ex-sister-in-law.  (We'll call her Alice because she is tiny and full of energy and that reminds me of Twilight's Alice.)  Anyways, Alice was always popular.  She always seemed to have it all together.  She had a great husband, a wonderful home, and during the time I was married to her brother, she had one beautiful baby girl.  She had every single thing I wanted.  She had my life.  That's what I thought.  I didn't hate her for it at all.  I loved her.  I just hated myself because I couldn't be like her.

I hated me so much that I couldn't find one redeeming quality about myself during that time.  I was completely miserable.  I would just berate myself every single day because I didn't have the things or the life that I wanted.  And I felt that my hands were completely tied in getting the things I wanted.

I wasted so much energy in wanting to be like her that I wasted what I did have.  Now, I'm not saying that this was the whole reason that it didn't work out between my ex and I.  There were definitely other reasons involved.  But I don't really think I realized my part in it all until I read this quote.

That may seem strange.  It does to me.  But I have always compared myself to others and always fallen short.  Sometimes in my life, I have spent too much time doing this and other times it's just been a passing thought here and there.  But this one quote made me realize exactly how much time I spent hating myself and wanting to be someone else during that time.   I wasted myself on an image of perfection that I couldn't obtain.  And the funny thing that I think about now is if I had stopped to ask Alice if she thought her life was perfect, she would have laughed and said "no way".  I see that now.  I just wished I had spent that energy into being a better me and not a clone of her.  I wished I had appreciated my life and not wasted me the way I did.

And I pray that I will be able to teach my little girl that she doesn't have to worry about being perfect or being someone else.  All I ever will require her to be is the happiest person she can be.  I hope I can instill in her the things that she will need to be satisfied with herself and at peace with who she is.  If I can help her learn that, then she will never waste herself.

She is exactly who I prayed for all those nights.  She is my world and my heart and she is completely perfect to me.

I shoulda kept my happy dance to myself.

Be careful whenever you think it's safe to do a happy dance.



First, no. I have no idea why my header isn't showing up. I am not good at coding or html or whatever it is that you need to be good at to have a blog. I break out in a sweat whenever I have to go into my cPanel. Oh God! Just thinking about what I will have to do to get it back is making me nauseous. Maybe I'll just start a new blog completely. That'll solve the problem until I break something else. Jeez, I'm dumb.

So yes, this is still Pinkie and the Bean but we're just a little invisible at the moment. Please bare with my dumbness.

Two, I'd like to apologize to the universe, or to Murphy as in Murphy's Law, or to whomever I need to due to some recent happenings in my life. About two weeks ago, I posted about this. Yep, the post about my car, Josie the Jetta, hitting the 200K mile marker in her life. Right before I hit the "publish" button, I thought to myself "gee, I sure hope this doesn't jinx me".

Well, the jinx is full on. Last week I spent some time on the side of the road waiting on a tow truck and pondering my idiocy. How could I have thrown out that big ole "up yours" to the universe like that? I was just asking for trouble and trouble I got.

We are still trying to figure out if Josie can survive this or not. She's a trooper, (well, no, she's a Jetta but you know what I mean). She's been on death's door before. So many times before but she's always fought her way back. Thanks to the checking account taking big hits, she's been able to come back to life again and again. We can only pray for her speedy recovery this time.

Everyone keeps saying "cash for clunkers! cash for clunkers!". All I can say is I need at least one more year out of this clunker. Please, please, please! Don't fail me now, Josie.

Hopefully Josie will make a full recovery and someone will help me find that damned banner. Nest time I go to do a happy dance, someone smack me upside the head.

*Image courtesy of http://www.nhlcyberfamily.org/special/happydance.htm.

The planets must have aligned!

I'm about to share something very amazing with you.  Something unbelievable and inconceivable.

Something truly extraordinary.

This will amaze and bend your minds so much that I will have to break it down bit by bit for you so your heads won't explode.

Last night.

My husband.

Took our daughter.

Into a public restroom.

And changed her diaper!!!!

"SHUT UP!!!!!!", you say!

I SWEAR IT'S TRUE!!!!

Confessions of a slacker.

Hello.  My name is Pinkie.  I am a slacker.

Slacker

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The term slacker is commonly used to refer to a person who avoids work (especially British English), or (primarily in North American English) an educated person who is antimaterialistic and viewed as an underachiever.^[1][2]

I thought I’d blog about how much of a slacker I am cause that truly sounds like interesting reading for all of you, right?  Well, bear with me cause maybe some of you have felt that way before and can give me inspiration to turn myself around.  If not, maybe I can just make you feel better about yourself.  Either way - win/win, right?

I have been a slacker all my life.  I don’t know any other way to be.  I slack at work.  I’m tired of doing the same thing all the time.  I have days where I just want to go into my office and I don’t want a single person to say a single word to me.  Let me be for the eight hours I’m chained to this desk.

I slack at home.  I have piles and piles of clothes to wash.  I have dirty floors that need to be swept, mopped and vacuumed.  I have tons of stuff on every surface of every counter top.  I watch Clean House just to make myself feel better about our house.  Thank God Niecy Nash doesn't know where I live.

I used to spend time on myself and how I looked.  Now I’m lucky if I remember to keep up my “landscaping”.  I used to feel like such a “girlie girl”.  Now I barely feel like a girl.

What’s going on with me?  I’m not depressed.  At least I don’t feel depressed.  I just feel like there isn’t enough energy in my body to do the things I need to do.  I also feel overwhelmed with all that needs to be done.  Once I do finish one thing, I turn around to find 100 other things that need to be done.  So now I’m in this mode of “why bother because it doesn’t even help”.

I read other mommy blogs and they all seem to have their act together.  They have meal plans, full pantries, they have de-clutter days, they seem to have it all.  I think to myself “well if I didn’t have a fulltime job, I could be like that”.  But I wonder if that’s true or if it would just give me more slacking hours in the day.

But I want to change.  I don’t want to be this slacker forever.  I want to be responsible.  I want to be a good employee (well, you get my drift), a good homemaker, a good wife and mommy.  I don’t want to be Slacker Sally any more.  But making this change is hard and there have been too many set-backs.

I want to be a better example to Bean but maybe I need to find a better example for myself first.  Where do I start?  How do I  begin?  Can I even do it?

I know it wasn't me.

Have you ever had something happen to you that you know you couldn't have done without an "outside force" helping? I had one on Saturday with Bean. And as soon as it happened, I knew it wasn't me that had saved the day.

We were visiting friends of ours this weekend. They don't have children yet but they do have beautiful glass tables in their living room. These are the types of tables that are a baby-proofer's worst nightmare. Glass tops, sharp corners, fingerprint-showing beautiful tables. Well, they would be fingerprint-showing at my house even without a toddler's help. At their house, they are just beautiful.

I was sitting in the floor next to "Dee Dee", the wife. She and I were catching up and trying to keep the Bean off their stairs and out of trouble. To my right was one of these glass end-tables. At one point, Bean was walking back across the floor to me when she tripped over her own feet. She gets that grace from her mother, sorry to say. But as soon as she tripped, she started on this trajectory towards a corner of this glass table. And I mean her forehead would have directly hit this corner. It would have been bad. Very, very bad.

As I mentioned earlier, and anyone that ever saw me in gym class would agree, I am not coordinated or graceful by any stretch of the imagination. My reflex time is always off. My hand-eye coordination does not exist. But I saw all of this happen like it was in slow-motion. I followed the probable trajectory with my mind's eye and I got this huge lump in my throat.

But as this was happening, I just put up my arms and caught Bean at exactly the right moment and she slid right into my arms and then right into my lap. No jerky movements, no flailing, nothing. It was a smooth move as any I've ever seen. But like I said, I knew it wasn't me that had the where-with-all to accomplish such a save. It wasn't me. And as soon as it happened, I just said "Thank you, God."

I still replay the whole incident in my head, over and over. As I said, it was so smooth that my conversation with my friend never stopped. And Bean just got right back up and went on her merry little way. No trauma, no drama.

I don't want to come off as hokey but I truly believe that God saved Bean from that horrible fall. Or he sent a guardian angel cause he knows Bean needs all the help she can get with the parents that she got. All I know is I thank him for it. It wasn't me. It was all him.

Vacation's over - wah wah wah

Yep, my vacation is now over and I'm back to the grind of fulltime work. I can't explain to you how horrible I felt this morning having to leave Bean and go off to work. My heart broke all over again like it did the first day back from maternity leave. I wished I was independently wealthy so I could stay home with her. No, not even wealthy, just able to pay our bills each month and keep us clothed, covered, and fed.

But we're not so I have to turn my darling baby over to someone else each weekday morning and I have to walk heavy-hearted back to my car to start the long commute away from my child. I know what I am doing for her is the right thing because this is what we have to do right now, but that doesn't make it any easier. I just hope that one day she will understand why I had to do it and more than that, I hope one day, she will be in a better position so if she has her own child, she won't have to leave them if she doesn't want to. Good luck, Bean! I hope you'll have an easier time at mommyhood than I did.