I miss the old Halloween.

It's almost time to dress the kiddies up in their Halloween costumes, get their treat bags ready, teach them to say "Trick or Treat", and take them to the mall.

What?  Huh?  The mall?  What for?  Are we eating there before we go trick or treating????  I'm confused.

When I was a child, most of the costumes I ever had consisted of a plastic mask that was secured to your head with a rubber band, a highly flammable plastic cape or dress depending on what you were gonna be, and a round orange plastic pumpkin to store all your loot in.  The plastic mask had 2 eye holes, 2 small nostril holes and a little slit in the mouth.  Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck in one of those masks?  Anyone?  Please tell me I wasn't the only one with a shredded tongue from one of those things.  And God help you if that rubber band got snapped against your head somehow.  You saw stars for quite awhile after that. 

For the actual trick or treating, we were let loose in a neighborhood and got to go to people's actual houses.  And we ate the candy in the back seat of the car on the way home with no worries of it being messed with in some way.  And please don't forget that wonderful stomach ache later on that night.

Those were the days.

I feel sorry for kids nowadays.  Granted, I'm sure there are still neighborhoods around that you can trick or treat in.  I am hoping to go to one of those this year with Bean.  But for a while now, the trend has been to take the kids to a mall or a store and let them trick or treat there because "it's safer".  Our town also used to have an amazing Halloween carnival at the elementary school.  I don't even think it's still called a "Halloween Carnival".  I think to be politically correct, they've changed the name of it to Fall Festival or Harvest Celebration, or some stupid crap like that.  Some churches have gotten into the act, too, and started their own Fall Festivals to compete against Halloween since it's the devil's day.  You know, I dressed up in plenty of costumes and celebrated plenty of Halloweens, and ate plenty candy and I'm pretty sure I'm still a Christian.  I don't have any worries there.  I don't think I'm going to hell because I dressed up as Plastic Princess Leia one year.  I just think it's sad that kids can't enjoy Halloween like we used to.  You have to worry about people doing things to the candy that they give out.  You have to worry about crime and people way scarier than any boogeyman we ever made up stories about.

It's just sad.  Now, I will admit that I do not miss those costumes.  But I do miss the free spirit (no pun intended) of the old Halloweens.  It's just a shame that this world has changed so much that our kids probably will never know how much fun Halloween used to be.

*Picture courtesy of http://www.beckyhiggins.com

Wordless Wednesday - Being Silly with the Bowl

"I love you"

Two days ago Bean told me for the very first time that she loves me.  It was so sweet and what I've been waiting forever to hear.

Does she know what she is saying?  I don't even care.

The PawPaw

Bean loves her PawPaw. She has, at times, woken up, waved to me, said "Hey Mommy", and then the next thing out of her mouth is "PawPaw". She is probably his biggest fan.

I'm hoping she'll grow out of it.

That's really an inside joke between my father-in-law and I but nevertheless, I hope she grows out of it.

She is fascinated with him. She thinks he's the greatest thing since her discovery of candy, which I might add was helped along by none other than "PawPaw".

This kid even knows exactly where he works. Now, she is small for her age so she still sits rear-facing in her car seat. She doesn't get to see much when she's looking out the windows while we are driving. It all has to be a blur, especially when Daddy is driving. But as soon as we start driving by his shop, she starts yelling out "PawPaw! PawPaw!". It amazes me that she already has this figured out.

The Pumpkin Patch

Here's some pictures of Bean on her inaugural visit to the local pumpkin patch last year.

This is Bean this year (2009) at the pumpkin patch.  As you can see, my seasonal clothing coordination has flown out the window.

 

We had a great time, all except my boots which got quite up close and personal with a pile of goat poop.  We got to pet goats, sheep, and rabbits.  We got to run from chicken and turkeys, and got to be grateful we aren't that one solitary pig playing around in all that nasty mud.  We walked through the corn maze with Bean leading the way.  For some reason, she only wanted to take right turns.  We went on a hayride, too.  And Bean ran through the pumpkins trying to pick them all up.  We did so much that by the end of the trip, Bean was crawling back into the stroller herself.  She had conquered the pumpkin patch and was completely over it and just wanted to take a nap.  Me, too.

Wordless Wednesday - In Daddy's Arms

21 months old!!!!

Bean was 21 months old yesterday!!! Woohoo!!!!

Are y'all still there?

I have a quick question to anyone that has subscribed to my feeds...are you still receiving the emails with the new posts? Please let me know so I'll know if I need to work on this or not. Thanks.

Wordless Wednesday - Bean and her Daddy

"Don't go."

Kids can always make your heart break.  Even when they have no idea that they are doing it.

I'm sure this won't be the last time Bean says or does something that will break my heart but this one really got to me.

Monday morning as I am in the bathroom getting ready for work, Bean waddles in.   She had been in bed asleep.  I leave the bathroom door open in case she does wake up.  I can either hear her or she can come in to say good morning.

She had been in there with me for a few minutes when this heart wrenching conversation happened.  (You say that a 20 month-old can have heart wrenching conversations?  I say "just wait, you'll see".  )

Bean:  PawPaw?

Me:  PawPaw's at work, baby.

Bean:  Dada?

Me:  Dada's at work, too.  He's been there for a few hours now.  And Mommy's getting ready to go to work, too.

Bean:  "Don't go."  And then runs over and throws her arms around my knees.

CRACK!  Yep, that was the sound of my heart breaking.

I picked her up and kissed on her.  I told her I was sorry but I had to go to work.  I tried to keep the tears back but a couple of them slipped by.

It's days like this that I wished I could email in my resignation.

Site Share: Five for Friday

I thought I'd share five of my favorite blogs that I read (or try to) daily.  One way or another, I love what these folks share with me.  These are in no particular order.

1.  Tipnut.com - You can find instructions here on how to do all kinds of things.  Recipes, crafts, household tips and ideas and DIY.  You have no idea how many of these entries I have bookmarked.  How many have I actually done?  So far?  To date?  Well, I...I....okay, one!  I've done one!  Still it's a great site for all the things I WANT to do.  Back off, overachievers!

2.  Be Different...Act Normal - I love, love, love her site.  This is one of two sites that I actually open their site every single post.  Usually I have everything sent to my Google Reader and I hardly ever actually visit each site.  I visit this site for every post because I love the pictures and the projects that she shares.  And they are almost all projects that normal everyday slackers like me can do.  None of that Martha Stewart Living hogwash that only Martha Stewart can pull off.

3.  The Mighty M Family - This is the other blog that I actually open and view each post on their site.  Mighty M shares the best pictures of her children.  I think she probably takes some of the best candids I have ever seen.  I wish she would come to my house and take some of Bean.  Maybe I'll just send Bean and a camera to her.  I keep meaning to ask her what kind of camera she uses cause it's going on my Christmas list whatever it is.

4.  Devilish Southern Belle - This girl and I could have been separated at birth!  We have very similar likes, interests, outlooks, whathaveyou.  We both like vampire books, vampire boys and cute accessories!  And I think she's kind a smart-arse just like me.  More reasons to love her.

5.  Twitarded - Complete and total fluff.  I'll admit it.  I have no problem at all saying that I am completely Team Edward and proud of it, baby!  They give humorous takes on the whole Twilight craze and Robward fans can get their eye-candy fixes, too.  What's not to love?  Funny bones and hot English men!  Whew.  'Nuff said.

Feel free to share some of your favorite sites, besides this one, folks.  Let's give others a chance.  (*snicker snicker* *snort snort*)  But really, if you have some favorite blogs that you love, please share the addresses in the comments section.

"I piddy."

Bean has two Nannys. The first Nanny is my husband's mother. We'll call her Giggles. Bean's other Nanny is my husband's aunt. We'll call her The Accomplice. (My own mother passed away several years ago so thank God that he saw fit to send other people in my life that love me or at least tolerate me and love my kid.)

This dazzling duo watches Bean for us while we are at work. Giggles and The Accomplice LOVE my child. They think she is the "bee's knees". Isn't that how Nannies are supposed to feel?

Like I said, they love this kid. So much so that they tell her all day long that she is wonderful. They tell her that she is smart and sweet and loving and pretty. I say, well duh, look who her mother is!!!! I haven't gotten anyone to agree with me on that one yet, though.

So the kid hears this kinda talk all day, right?

Well the other evening, I walked into Giggles' kitchen and the Bean came running up to me. She smiled at me and the first thing she said was "I piddy."

There's nothing like a big huge ego on a toddler, let me tell you.

I just looked at her and said "yes, you are pretty but you're smart, too." She said "no, I piddy."

I wasn't getting my point across evidently.

Pajammies!

Wasting yourself.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

That's a pretty powerful idea.  Do you know who said that?  You might be shocked.

It was Kurt Cobain, lead singer of Nirvana.

All I can say is "Amen, Brotha!"  And that I wished I had heard this comment back when I was spending the majority of my energy wasting myself on wanting to be someone else.  That would have really saved me a lot of self-induced heartache.  I hope that this comment makes it into my head and I remember to pull it out and use it if Bean ever starts wishing she were someone else.

Back in my  early twenties, I was in another world.  (Weren't we all?)  But really, I was married once before.  I got married for a ton of reasons.  Not really any of the right ones though.

Don't get me wrong.  I did love my then-husband whom I now lovingly refer to as "the circus midget".  But I don't think I loved him the way that you should when you are considering committing yourself and your life to someone else.

When I met my circus midget, I wanted to be "in love".  I wanted to be a grown-up.  I wanted out of my mother's house.  I wanted to wear "the dress".  I also didn't want to be the girl that never got married.  Even though in my mind I never really saw marriage in my future, I still didn't want to be the girl that never got married.

My mother was opposed to my marriage.  If I had listened to her, I would have saved myself a ton of heartache.  But I truly think I would have missed out on learning a lot about myself.

Reading this quote again today though reminded me about my first marriage and how I felt during it.  I was never comfortable with myself when I was married the first time.  Never.  I was always second guessing myself and I was always wishing I was more than I was or that I had more than I had.

I recently ran into my ex-sister-in-law.  I hadn't seen her since the circus midget and I split up.  I truly missed her.  I wished I could have kept her in the divorce.  I didn't keep in touch with her because it was too painful to me at that time.  I was afraid that through her I would hear stories of my ex's new life and it would be too hard to bare.

But I remember always wanting to be just like my ex-sister-in-law.  (We'll call her Alice because she is tiny and full of energy and that reminds me of Twilight's Alice.)  Anyways, Alice was always popular.  She always seemed to have it all together.  She had a great husband, a wonderful home, and during the time I was married to her brother, she had one beautiful baby girl.  She had every single thing I wanted.  She had my life.  That's what I thought.  I didn't hate her for it at all.  I loved her.  I just hated myself because I couldn't be like her.

I hated me so much that I couldn't find one redeeming quality about myself during that time.  I was completely miserable.  I would just berate myself every single day because I didn't have the things or the life that I wanted.  And I felt that my hands were completely tied in getting the things I wanted.

I wasted so much energy in wanting to be like her that I wasted what I did have.  Now, I'm not saying that this was the whole reason that it didn't work out between my ex and I.  There were definitely other reasons involved.  But I don't really think I realized my part in it all until I read this quote.

That may seem strange.  It does to me.  But I have always compared myself to others and always fallen short.  Sometimes in my life, I have spent too much time doing this and other times it's just been a passing thought here and there.  But this one quote made me realize exactly how much time I spent hating myself and wanting to be someone else during that time.   I wasted myself on an image of perfection that I couldn't obtain.  And the funny thing that I think about now is if I had stopped to ask Alice if she thought her life was perfect, she would have laughed and said "no way".  I see that now.  I just wished I had spent that energy into being a better me and not a clone of her.  I wished I had appreciated my life and not wasted me the way I did.

And I pray that I will be able to teach my little girl that she doesn't have to worry about being perfect or being someone else.  All I ever will require her to be is the happiest person she can be.  I hope I can instill in her the things that she will need to be satisfied with herself and at peace with who she is.  If I can help her learn that, then she will never waste herself.

She is exactly who I prayed for all those nights.  She is my world and my heart and she is completely perfect to me.

Bean and the BurgerKing King.

"Daddy, is that you?"